How to Create the Reality We Want

We all create the reality around us, both individually and collectively. This is why it is so vital to do our shadow work, so we do not create experiences that we do not want.

Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

We all create the reality around us, both individually and collectively. Our subconscious is critical in creation, being much more powerful than our conscious mind. We could call the subconscious our emotional body and the place where wounds, patterns and programs reside outside of our awareness, yet drive our choices and behavior. This is why it is so vital to do our shadow work, so we do not create experiences that we do not want. When we create unconsciously, we tend to re-create from past experiences which can be painful and destructive. We may also collectively create from predictive programming and fear, thus manifesting a world of scarcity, violence, chaos and powerlessness for ourselves as a whole. To ignore the darkness within or without is to remain in ignorance. Ignorance prevents discernment and leads to us being vulnerable to harm from within and without.

We need to find and parent our inner child/children in order to heal those experiences that we may otherwise magnetize towards ourselves that seem to be a repetition of what we have endured in our past. This is still the Universe being helpful to us, for the idea is we recreate the traumas over and over in an effort to see and understand. The current event that has triggered us will hopefully lead us back to the original experience which we can then clean up and heal. Until we get it, the Universe will assist by repeating the experiences we need to heal.

Our inner child may be needy, angry or in victim identity, and if we do not become our own inner parent to that child part, we end up projecting that child onto others in inappropriate ways. The victim identification is particularly problematic in relationships and in what we manifest around us. Being a victim is to be stuck in a trap known as “Victim-Perpetrator-Savior”, also known as the Drama Triangle. This never leads to resolution but rather keeps us spinning inside this triangle in one or the other roles. We need to acknowledge the payoff to being a victim, such as being a martyr, getting sympathy and shirking responsibility. Our collective programming cultivates victim identity and hence keeps us disempowered and dependent. We must ask ourselves if this payoff is worth it. We can choose to remain small and stuck, or heal and find our courage and power to create a life that fulfills us.

Feeling victimized is a natural stage in healing, for we must encounter the ways we were victimized when we were helpless as children in order to begin the healing process. We must find the trauma in order to heal it. We then must have the courage to feel our past experiences, to mentally understand what happened, release the emotions stuck inside us and to re-frame any distorted beliefs we may have made about those events. A simple example is a child runs to the door when they hear their dad arrives home in joy and anticipation. Dad is tired and cranky and rejects the child’s welcome, pushing her aside. In that moment, a child may interpret this as she is not worthy, loved or wanted. As adults, if we recover a memory like this, we re-frame it as dad was having a bad day and it has nothing to do with us, we are lovable and wanted. Children tend to blame themselves for everything due to their stage of brain development and age-appropriate narcissism. Even in cases of severe abuse, we can reframe the abuser as the problem, and remove any distorted beliefs about self.

Once we can help the inner child heal, we become the loving parent to ourselves many of us never had. For a time, it is okay to allow that inner child to express the ways he or she was truly victimized, but it is critical we do not remain in victim identity. If we do, we will try and attract a savior. Often, an adult stuck in a child part will attract someone else who has unaddressed wounding and is in the role of savior, which then becomes a dance that ends badly for both.

The adult who takes the savior role does so out of a need to save their own inner child they are unconscious about. In re-enacting a savior situation, the person in the savior role often finds themselves inadvertently shifting into the victim role. This is because the person in victim does not wish to relinquish this identity and fights solutions or help, instead insisting nothing will ever help or change things. At this point the victim identified person may take on the perpetrator role and act out towards the person in the savior role, who now moves from savior to victim in the triangle. It is an endless trap because we can only truly save ourselves. We can save ourselves by taking full responsibility for what we have unconsciously created in our lives, look inward and do our shadow work, and free ourselves in the process. Knowing ourselves and our inner child parts makes our manifestations conscious and keeps us from harming ourselves and others.

When we find ourselves complaining about our situations, it is imperative to shift our focus inward and ask ourselves what we are creating and why. We can heal the blocks we have to abundance, love and peace and make way for the experiences we truly want for ourselves. To blame others or outside events for our lives is to remain stuck and alienate those around us. It is to say to the Universe that we are powerless and at the mercy of outside forces. When we do this, we draw to ourselves precisely those experiences that will make us feel at the mercy of others, powerless and victimized.

To step into our power necessitates us taking radical self-responsibility. If we have a negative or disempowered thought, we notice it, go inward to find where it comes from, heal the trauma, re-frame the distorted belief and become responsible for our thoughts and emotions. This is vital because our thoughts and emotions are where we create our reality from. We are always creating, whether unconsciously or consciously, so it behooves us to look inward and heal the subconscious beliefs, programs and patterns that keep us unhappy and trapped. A side benefit of re-framing our experiences is we find the gift within the hardship and connect with our higher selves which reveals a higher perspective for our lives

To create the reality we want, we need to be self-aware and self-responsible. One way of coping with trauma is to dissociate and deny what is happening. As difficult as the healing process can be, it is more difficult to live with creations that cause us distress and alienate others by acting out our pain and blaming. We can create what we want, or we can create what we fear. If for example, we experienced a relationship that ended in betrayal and we do not heal and re-frame that experience, we will tend to re-create the same trauma in our next relationship. We would be in victim about what happened and begin to look for signs the other is going to betray us in the same way. That leads to expectations and reactions to this imagined event that inevitably draw it into reality. Then we say “see, it always happens to me! There are no trustworthy people out there!”, not recognizing we are re-experiencing an earlier betrayal and by our beliefs and thoughts drawing that reality to us again. The person we are with may have no intention of betraying us, but after repeated suspicion and accusations on our part may decide the relationship is unhealthy and leave. Another effect of not healing the original wound is we may unconsciously attract people with the very traits we subconsciously expect and despise.

As a collective, we have created a situation where we are powerless and irresponsible by giving our sovereignty to authority figures who control us and abuse their power over us. While it is true there are perpetrators out there and they have caused much harm, there can be no perpetrator without a willing or an unwitting victim. The only exception to this is a child. Children are supposed to be cherished and protected, however an adult who has not healed would not have the skills or discernment to do their duty to protect, much less nurture depending on the damage. Adults are responsible for children and themselves. Adults are responsible for doing their inner work so as to be fit as parents. Children who become adults are now responsible for themselves and their healing. Traumatized adults who choose not to do their shadow work can become perpetrators in a compulsion to repeat the trauma and feel powerful. In their unhealed state they are stuck in choosing to be the victim or perpetrator, thinking these are the only two realities.

Knowing ourselves deeply is the key to creating the life and experiences that we want. When we become aware of our trauma, it can no longer be used against us. Our subconscious is more powerful than our conscious minds, and this is why those in power have been able to manipulate us into co-creating realities that harm and enslave us. They create collective trauma and then use our unhealed trauma to mind control us into creating a negative reality that they can use to control us or profit from. As individuals, we do this same thing to ourselves. We will draw into our reality experiences that we magnetize with via our emotional body, or subconscious. The key to our empowerment and freedom is to become aware of the truth about all that is around us, and all that is inside us. Knowledge is power, though not enough. We also need to heal ourselves and take full responsibility for our thoughts, emotions and actions. To blame is to project our power out onto someone else, to be responsible is to have the power to change our circumstances.

The journey of healing and empowerment is not always easy, but the outcome is a far better reality for us individually and as a human race. There is objective evil out there, and most of life has fallen victim to harm in a myriad of ways. Despite this, it is our responsibility to heal and recover. In doing so we gain wisdom, discernment and power. We can choose to let go of disempowering beliefs and negative emotional states. Ideally, we develop integrity where our thoughts, emotions and actions are congruent and conscious. In this state, we can manifest or attract the life we want and deserve. We have the choice to create unconsciously or consciously. At this time in history that choice is critical for us individually and collectively. We can create the new world order, or we can create the new earth. We do have the free will and the power to choose what we wish to manifest into reality.